The Circus

Waiting for the show to start

On the way to the bathroom

The elephants were my favorite part.  I think there were like 8 or so and one was a baby, so cute. 

pick one and go with it

As I have been re-reading all my books on parenting I'm becoming more confused and less ready to handle the day to day of raising my kids.  There are so many theories out there, some say to ignore the behavior while others say to address it head on. The reality is that parenting is a mix of many styles and theories all thrown together to fit the individual.  What I need to do is pick a style that I think most consistently will work for my kids and go with it knowing that it won't always work.  I need to try it over a period of weeks, maybe months, and see if we have any changes in behaviors.  So that is what I'm going to do.

Baby boy goes on his first over night

Things have been really stressful the past few weeks.  Our foster son is beginning his transition back to his birth parents and tomorrow we will send him off for his first over night.  This past weekend we met his parents at McDonald's for a visit.  Our hope is that by forming a relationship with his biological family we will be able to make his transition a little easier.  They were really gracious and even invited us to their home.  It was really great for Goose and Bubba to be able to see where he will be living.  This was the first time they met baby boy's parents.  We have been talking about them for over two years and  even though they have seen pictures I'm sure it was good for them to meet them in person.  Baby boy definitely had a hard time having both of his "mommy's" around at the same time.  It's so obvious that he is really confused and even angry.  My heart breaks for him.

His transition has been hitting Goose really hard (as we knew it would.)  She already has issues with loss and abandonment in her life, losing a brother is just another loss she will have to overcome.  It kills me everyday that I put her in this situation.  If I only knew then what I know now maybe we would have never decided to foster.  What we meant for good has only caused her pain and anxiety.  We can only move forward from here.  The idea of baby boy leaving us to go back and live with his birth parents has brought up a lot of emotions about her birth mother.  She tells us she misses her and wants to one day return to Guatemala to meet her.  What big emotions for such a little girl.  We have been talking about baby boys departure on a daily basis, always reinforcing that they will never be leaving and that adoption is forever.  When he is not around we talk about how this is what it will be like when baby boy is gone.  The idea is for the kids to connect with what that feels like.  It's sad not having him around.  We may see things that remind us of him, and that will make us sad and happy all at the same time.

In therapy we are practicing what it will be like the day he leaves for good.  Through play we can act out what we might say on that day and how we might feel.  This has been a really good way to see what Goose is really thinking.  While this is all going on it's our job to make this loss look like it's the best thing in the world.  We want Baby boy to see this as a good thing, a positive not a negative.  We want out kids to be happy for baby boy.  We are playing up how wonderful this is and how happy his parents are to be getting him back.  I'm pretty sure this is the most confusing part for Goose.  If this is such a good thing for baby boy to be going back to his birth parents then why wouldn't it be a good thing for  her to go back to her birth parents?  I have a feeling that question is coming soon.  I pray I have the wisdom to answer it.