Thoughts and Ramblings

I went into this summer really hoping for a simpler time but that hasn't been the case at all. We excepted a placement of a two year old little girl at the end of May with the assumption that she would be here for maybe a month. Well you know what they say about making assumptions. Taking care of 4 little kids has proven to be quite the job. On the plus side I do think that Jeremy and I are doing a great job. Every child in our home is getting their needs met and then some. But.... as a parent I'm always asking myself "am I doing the right thing." This is never an easy question to answer. Sometimes I feel like God is making it so clear. Of course we should continue to do foster care. He has blessed us in so many ways and we are called to share those blessings. Jeremy and I have an amazing support group in our family and friends, and we are grateful for all of their prayers and willingness to embrace the children we take into care. They also support us in other ways and we are truly grateful for that as well.

But, then the very next moment I feel like I am making pore decisions for our family and wonder if this is hurting more then it's helping. Evi and Robert will only be young once. Is it really a good idea to have their mom stretched in so many directions causing her to be stressed out and overwhelmed on a daily basis? Obviously the answer to that question is no. Jeremy and I are so blessed beyond belief to have Evi and Robert as children, they deserve the best parents in the world. Not perfect parents, but parents who are always looking out for their best interest.

Having a fourth child in the house has really taught me that I do have limits. To be totally honest this is really hard for me to come to terms with because I really did want a big family with lots of kids. I wanted to be "that" mom. Turns out I am "this" mom instead. I'm not sure why I allow myself to be pushed to the limit. I don't have anything to prove. I always believe that God wants us to do things we can't possibly do on our own so that we can see his mighty hand at work. He for sure has been faithful because there is no way I could do this without God. Which then brings me back to feeling like God does in fact want us to continue in this ministry.

The bottom line is that of course God does bless the ministry of foster care. When we care for the orphan we are caring for the least of these. God calls us to love and serve others in His name for His glory. There are many other ways that people serve and love in the name of Christ. When we are done with foster care I do pray that God will reveal another area for me to serve. Just being a parent is a ministry in and of itself. The season of my life right now will limit what I can do because of the responsibility God has already given me as a mother.

All this being said, Jeremy and I do feel like taking a break from foster care is the right decision. Once our fourth placement leaves managing three kids will seem easier. Right now it is looking like our long term placement will be returning home as well. And then there will be two. I know on many levels I won't know what to do with myself. I am already in my mind preparing for what it will be like. No more diapers, sippy cups, highchairs or cribs. No more naps (for the kids) and no more strollers. Traveling will be easier, bed time will be easier and life in general will be easier. I will have more time, energy, and patience for Evi and Robert and that is a great thing. Two kids, a boy and a girl sounds just about right.