First adoption support group.

Today I went to my first adoption support group.  It was really great to get together with other adoptive moms who understand all the issues and behaviors our adopted kids have.  The group has been going on for awhile but I haven't been able to attend because of scheduling conflicts.  The group is made up of other moms in this area who have kids around the same age as Goose, Bubba, and Baby boy.  It's run through Metropolitan Family which is where Goose and I have been doing attachment therapy for almost a year now.  I'm so thankful to have opportunities to connect with other adoptive parents.  I have been able to connect on the Internet through the various "adoption forums" that I go on and recently through connecting with other moms who blog about their adoptive families.  I have learned so much from other families and believe that in order to navigate the world of adoption it's essential to have these connections.  At today's meeting I picked up yet another tool to try with Goose.  Each time I add another tool to my tool box I always feel more equipped to be the best mom I can be for my kids.

We are done growing for now

With our fourth child (peanut) away on an extended visit with her grandparents I am enjoying the less hectic life with three kids. She is suppose to return on August 9 and from there we have no idea how long we'll have her. If I'm being honest I hope that during her time away DCFS will get all the paperwork approved to have her go live with her grandparents permanently. It's where she should be, with biological family who love her and want to have her.


Having four kids (what I thought I wanted) has made me realize that I need to be honest about my limits. Just because I want to parent a bunch of kids doesn't mean I should. Once peanut leaves for good we will not be excepting anymore foster placements. This hasn't been an easy decision but it's the right decision. I thank God for the children that have come into our home. I have grown so much through the experience of parenting.


Baby boy will be here for at least 18 more months. His case is starting to move towards reunification. Helping a 2 and a half year old little boy to transition into a home he doesn't know with biological parents he doesn't know so he can live a life he doesn't know is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done. That being said... because I love him I will do whatever I can to make his transition as easy as possible. Of course I want him to stay, I want to adopt him and give him our last name. I would love for him to be a forever part of our family.


The hard part is that if we do end up adopting him it means his birth parents failed. What should be a happy, joyous occasion for our family will really be a tragedy for him. I want his parents to succeed but I also want the best life for him. We have a good relationship with his parents for which I am so grateful. I try not to judge them. I have not walked in their shoes.


Life is going to continue to get busier and busier this school year. His visits will increase and he will eventually be doing overnights with his parents. None of this is going to be easy. Especially for him. I have already started talking to Goose about the possibility of Baby boy leaving. I know both Goose and Bubba will miss him dearly. And then I will have to pick up those pieces too. Regardless of what happens with his case we will be leaving the crazy ride of foster parenting for now.

Life books

I finally finished Bubba's life book this week. It's always bitter sweet to talk to the kids about being adopted and their lifebooks are a great way to help them learn their story. It's one thing to talk with them about being adopted and telling them that they were born in Guatemala, but the life book explains more about why they were adopted. It's their story from the beginning starting from before they were born. It's written in a way that they can begin to understand how all babies were created by a man and a woman and they grow in the mommy's tummy. It's so important for them to know that even though they were adopted and not born into our family that they were born and started their life the same as everyone else. The book includes pictures of their birth mothers as well as information about their birth families. So much of this information is hard for them to understand at this stage in their life but it's important to start talking about it now. Both Goose and Bubba have a life book that is available to them at any time. When they are curious or want to know more about their adoption story it's there for them. I made Goose's life book about a year ago when I began to realize she needed to know more then "I'm adopted and was born in Guatemala." We made the book together and spent some time reading it. At this point she isn't really interested in reading her book and that's fine. I'm glad to know it's there for her if and when she needs it. Bubba and I decorated his book today and read through it. I can tell he really doesn't understand it right now. Hopefully he will want to read it and begin to understand his story.

Thoughts and Ramblings

I went into this summer really hoping for a simpler time but that hasn't been the case at all. We excepted a placement of a two year old little girl at the end of May with the assumption that she would be here for maybe a month. Well you know what they say about making assumptions. Taking care of 4 little kids has proven to be quite the job. On the plus side I do think that Jeremy and I are doing a great job. Every child in our home is getting their needs met and then some. But.... as a parent I'm always asking myself "am I doing the right thing." This is never an easy question to answer. Sometimes I feel like God is making it so clear. Of course we should continue to do foster care. He has blessed us in so many ways and we are called to share those blessings. Jeremy and I have an amazing support group in our family and friends, and we are grateful for all of their prayers and willingness to embrace the children we take into care. They also support us in other ways and we are truly grateful for that as well.

But, then the very next moment I feel like I am making pore decisions for our family and wonder if this is hurting more then it's helping. Evi and Robert will only be young once. Is it really a good idea to have their mom stretched in so many directions causing her to be stressed out and overwhelmed on a daily basis? Obviously the answer to that question is no. Jeremy and I are so blessed beyond belief to have Evi and Robert as children, they deserve the best parents in the world. Not perfect parents, but parents who are always looking out for their best interest.

Having a fourth child in the house has really taught me that I do have limits. To be totally honest this is really hard for me to come to terms with because I really did want a big family with lots of kids. I wanted to be "that" mom. Turns out I am "this" mom instead. I'm not sure why I allow myself to be pushed to the limit. I don't have anything to prove. I always believe that God wants us to do things we can't possibly do on our own so that we can see his mighty hand at work. He for sure has been faithful because there is no way I could do this without God. Which then brings me back to feeling like God does in fact want us to continue in this ministry.

The bottom line is that of course God does bless the ministry of foster care. When we care for the orphan we are caring for the least of these. God calls us to love and serve others in His name for His glory. There are many other ways that people serve and love in the name of Christ. When we are done with foster care I do pray that God will reveal another area for me to serve. Just being a parent is a ministry in and of itself. The season of my life right now will limit what I can do because of the responsibility God has already given me as a mother.

All this being said, Jeremy and I do feel like taking a break from foster care is the right decision. Once our fourth placement leaves managing three kids will seem easier. Right now it is looking like our long term placement will be returning home as well. And then there will be two. I know on many levels I won't know what to do with myself. I am already in my mind preparing for what it will be like. No more diapers, sippy cups, highchairs or cribs. No more naps (for the kids) and no more strollers. Traveling will be easier, bed time will be easier and life in general will be easier. I will have more time, energy, and patience for Evi and Robert and that is a great thing. Two kids, a boy and a girl sounds just about right.

Evi's 6th adoption day.

The girl of the day.

2 new DS games.

Evi's choice for dinner was Rainforest Cafe.

Evi loves this crocodile.


The Zebra was our dinner guest.

Looking at the big fish.



Volcano!

Balloon animals

Regular Moms versus Special Needs Moms


Moms, a stranger walks among you. We look like regular moms, but we are the hybrid to your standard engine. Our child's disability altered us, enhanced us. Many words describe us: resilient, creative, protective, emboldened, sympathetic, fierce and determined. We are special needs moms. How do our lives stand apart from your own? Take a look under the hood and see for yourself.



Regular moms tell their kids to wake up and get dressed in the morning. And they do it.
Special needs moms put on battle gear to get our kids ready to start their day.
Regular moms ask their kids if they brushed their teeth.
Special needs moms prompt, “Brush your top teeth. Brush your bottom teeth. Did you get the sides? Open your mouth. My God, give me that toothbrush! You’ve left half your meal in there!”
Regular moms wave goodbye as their kids run off to catch the school bus.
Special needs moms get awesome door-to-door bus service for their child.
Regular moms know the names of all their friends.
Special needs moms know most of their friends by their username.
Regular moms judge other moms when kids have tantrums in stores.
Special needs moms say to themselves, “Hmm, I wonder which disability he has?”
Regular moms complain about driving their kids to sports and recreation classes.
Special needs mom grin and bear the weekly trips to tutors, doctors and therapists.
Regular moms’ kids have a teacher.
Special needs moms’ kids have a team.
Regular moms talk about accomplishments.
Special needs moms talk about skills, as in play skills, conversation skills, life skills, social skills and vocational skills.
Regular moms relax with their kids during the summer.
Special needs moms start their second job as home teachers, therapists and skills coaches.
Regular moms think accommodations refer to hotels.
Special needs moms have memorized the top 20 accommodations for their child.
Regular moms hope their child finds a good career.
Special needs moms are hopeful someone gives our child the chance to work.
Regular moms soak in the tub when they want to unwind.
Special needs moms consider a bathroom break a luxury.
Regular moms enjoy reading the latest best-selling book.
Special needs moms should receive an honorary degree for all the disability books they've read.
Regular moms go out for dinner and a movie with their husbands every month.
Special needs moms have a date night with their husbands every…wait, what decade is this?
Regular moms complain their kids won’t eat their vegetables.
Special needs moms are so desperate we consider chicken nuggets to be a legitimate meat product and throw in ketchup as a vegetable.
Regular moms’ kids go to play groups.
Special needs moms’ kids go to therapy groups.
Regular moms meet for a ladies night out.
Special needs moms get together at support groups and forums.
Regular moms have medical claim forms that fit in one file folder.
Special needs moms will tell you a small forest was cut down so we could receive our claims.
Regular moms think OT means overtime.
Special needs moms know more acronyms than a NASA engineer.
Regular moms have time to cook a full dinner every evening.
Special needs moms will never admit how many times we've picked up fast food.
Regular moms complain their husbands sit on the couch while they do all the work.
Special needs moms...well how about that? Some things DO stay the same!

Tattoo

I have had this idea for a tattoo for at least three years and last Saturday I finally went and got it. It's a nun orchid which is the national flower of Guatemala with a heart in the middle and a baby inside the heart. It represents not only the love I have of my children's birth country but also the joy of adoption. We have told our children that I can't grow babies in my tummy but instead I grow babies in my heart. The funny part is this little metaphore needed some explaining recently. Evi now understands that when a woman is growing a baby in her tummy, the tummy gets larger. She thought that I grew her in my heart the same way she has seen other women grow babies in her tummy. I explained that she too grew like a flower in her birth mother's tummy in Guatemala but while we were waiting for her to come home to us she grew in my heart. I think she may have gotten it.

Adoption Story