We are done growing for now

With our fourth child (peanut) away on an extended visit with her grandparents I am enjoying the less hectic life with three kids. She is suppose to return on August 9 and from there we have no idea how long we'll have her. If I'm being honest I hope that during her time away DCFS will get all the paperwork approved to have her go live with her grandparents permanently. It's where she should be, with biological family who love her and want to have her.


Having four kids (what I thought I wanted) has made me realize that I need to be honest about my limits. Just because I want to parent a bunch of kids doesn't mean I should. Once peanut leaves for good we will not be excepting anymore foster placements. This hasn't been an easy decision but it's the right decision. I thank God for the children that have come into our home. I have grown so much through the experience of parenting.


Baby boy will be here for at least 18 more months. His case is starting to move towards reunification. Helping a 2 and a half year old little boy to transition into a home he doesn't know with biological parents he doesn't know so he can live a life he doesn't know is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done. That being said... because I love him I will do whatever I can to make his transition as easy as possible. Of course I want him to stay, I want to adopt him and give him our last name. I would love for him to be a forever part of our family.


The hard part is that if we do end up adopting him it means his birth parents failed. What should be a happy, joyous occasion for our family will really be a tragedy for him. I want his parents to succeed but I also want the best life for him. We have a good relationship with his parents for which I am so grateful. I try not to judge them. I have not walked in their shoes.


Life is going to continue to get busier and busier this school year. His visits will increase and he will eventually be doing overnights with his parents. None of this is going to be easy. Especially for him. I have already started talking to Goose about the possibility of Baby boy leaving. I know both Goose and Bubba will miss him dearly. And then I will have to pick up those pieces too. Regardless of what happens with his case we will be leaving the crazy ride of foster parenting for now.