We are done growing for now

With our fourth child (peanut) away on an extended visit with her grandparents I am enjoying the less hectic life with three kids. She is suppose to return on August 9 and from there we have no idea how long we'll have her. If I'm being honest I hope that during her time away DCFS will get all the paperwork approved to have her go live with her grandparents permanently. It's where she should be, with biological family who love her and want to have her.


Having four kids (what I thought I wanted) has made me realize that I need to be honest about my limits. Just because I want to parent a bunch of kids doesn't mean I should. Once peanut leaves for good we will not be excepting anymore foster placements. This hasn't been an easy decision but it's the right decision. I thank God for the children that have come into our home. I have grown so much through the experience of parenting.


Baby boy will be here for at least 18 more months. His case is starting to move towards reunification. Helping a 2 and a half year old little boy to transition into a home he doesn't know with biological parents he doesn't know so he can live a life he doesn't know is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done. That being said... because I love him I will do whatever I can to make his transition as easy as possible. Of course I want him to stay, I want to adopt him and give him our last name. I would love for him to be a forever part of our family.


The hard part is that if we do end up adopting him it means his birth parents failed. What should be a happy, joyous occasion for our family will really be a tragedy for him. I want his parents to succeed but I also want the best life for him. We have a good relationship with his parents for which I am so grateful. I try not to judge them. I have not walked in their shoes.


Life is going to continue to get busier and busier this school year. His visits will increase and he will eventually be doing overnights with his parents. None of this is going to be easy. Especially for him. I have already started talking to Goose about the possibility of Baby boy leaving. I know both Goose and Bubba will miss him dearly. And then I will have to pick up those pieces too. Regardless of what happens with his case we will be leaving the crazy ride of foster parenting for now.

Life books

I finally finished Bubba's life book this week. It's always bitter sweet to talk to the kids about being adopted and their lifebooks are a great way to help them learn their story. It's one thing to talk with them about being adopted and telling them that they were born in Guatemala, but the life book explains more about why they were adopted. It's their story from the beginning starting from before they were born. It's written in a way that they can begin to understand how all babies were created by a man and a woman and they grow in the mommy's tummy. It's so important for them to know that even though they were adopted and not born into our family that they were born and started their life the same as everyone else. The book includes pictures of their birth mothers as well as information about their birth families. So much of this information is hard for them to understand at this stage in their life but it's important to start talking about it now. Both Goose and Bubba have a life book that is available to them at any time. When they are curious or want to know more about their adoption story it's there for them. I made Goose's life book about a year ago when I began to realize she needed to know more then "I'm adopted and was born in Guatemala." We made the book together and spent some time reading it. At this point she isn't really interested in reading her book and that's fine. I'm glad to know it's there for her if and when she needs it. Bubba and I decorated his book today and read through it. I can tell he really doesn't understand it right now. Hopefully he will want to read it and begin to understand his story.

Favorite Photo Friday

Brookfield Zoo

We love going to the zoo with the kids and since we have a season pass we go quite a bit. Each time we go we try to see different things. So far this summer we have been to Stingray Bay, the Butterfly Garden, the new Bear exhibit and Hamil Family Play Zoo. Today we went on the Carousel as well which is always a lot of fun. I think we have seen all the animals this summer having been there at least 5 times. Evi's favorite is Stingray Bay and Robert really loves Hamil Family Play Zoo. I think baby boy just likes the zoo.





Don't fall in!


Such a happy guy.

See you later, not good bye

All packed up and ready to go.

Peanut left yesterday to go on an extended visit with her grandparents. She will be gone for two weeks. We will miss her but we know her grandparents are over joyed to be able to spend time with her.

Pajama Boys

The boys are recovering well from their surgery. I think today was the first day Robert felt pretty good. I hope that he continues to improve so he is ready for the Dells. Baby boy is doing well too. Both boys got new hair cuts from dad this afternoon.

Evi's butterfly garden

Anxiously awaiting their release.


Finally got one out.

Holding one of the painted ladies.

The boys had surgery

He had no idea what was coming.

Surgery buddies.

Peeking at the nurses.


Robert waiting to be taken into surgery.

Baby boy after he came out of recovery.

All done riding out in style.

Bubba rocks a mohawk

Bubba could use a hair cut every three weeks. I usually can hold out about 5. Big daddy hates that I get his hair cut that often and is always saying "let's just shave his head like mine." Not that there is anything wrong with a shaved head, it's just not my favorite for Bubba. I love his hair. Anyway, Jer was asking Bubba if he wanted dad to shave his head. I then chided in "let's give him a mohawk instead." So the next morning we did it. We'll keep it for a little while and then just shave it off. After all his hair does grow really fast.

Getting ready.

In process

All finished and giving us his best tough guy face.

Thoughts and Ramblings

I went into this summer really hoping for a simpler time but that hasn't been the case at all. We excepted a placement of a two year old little girl at the end of May with the assumption that she would be here for maybe a month. Well you know what they say about making assumptions. Taking care of 4 little kids has proven to be quite the job. On the plus side I do think that Jeremy and I are doing a great job. Every child in our home is getting their needs met and then some. But.... as a parent I'm always asking myself "am I doing the right thing." This is never an easy question to answer. Sometimes I feel like God is making it so clear. Of course we should continue to do foster care. He has blessed us in so many ways and we are called to share those blessings. Jeremy and I have an amazing support group in our family and friends, and we are grateful for all of their prayers and willingness to embrace the children we take into care. They also support us in other ways and we are truly grateful for that as well.

But, then the very next moment I feel like I am making pore decisions for our family and wonder if this is hurting more then it's helping. Evi and Robert will only be young once. Is it really a good idea to have their mom stretched in so many directions causing her to be stressed out and overwhelmed on a daily basis? Obviously the answer to that question is no. Jeremy and I are so blessed beyond belief to have Evi and Robert as children, they deserve the best parents in the world. Not perfect parents, but parents who are always looking out for their best interest.

Having a fourth child in the house has really taught me that I do have limits. To be totally honest this is really hard for me to come to terms with because I really did want a big family with lots of kids. I wanted to be "that" mom. Turns out I am "this" mom instead. I'm not sure why I allow myself to be pushed to the limit. I don't have anything to prove. I always believe that God wants us to do things we can't possibly do on our own so that we can see his mighty hand at work. He for sure has been faithful because there is no way I could do this without God. Which then brings me back to feeling like God does in fact want us to continue in this ministry.

The bottom line is that of course God does bless the ministry of foster care. When we care for the orphan we are caring for the least of these. God calls us to love and serve others in His name for His glory. There are many other ways that people serve and love in the name of Christ. When we are done with foster care I do pray that God will reveal another area for me to serve. Just being a parent is a ministry in and of itself. The season of my life right now will limit what I can do because of the responsibility God has already given me as a mother.

All this being said, Jeremy and I do feel like taking a break from foster care is the right decision. Once our fourth placement leaves managing three kids will seem easier. Right now it is looking like our long term placement will be returning home as well. And then there will be two. I know on many levels I won't know what to do with myself. I am already in my mind preparing for what it will be like. No more diapers, sippy cups, highchairs or cribs. No more naps (for the kids) and no more strollers. Traveling will be easier, bed time will be easier and life in general will be easier. I will have more time, energy, and patience for Evi and Robert and that is a great thing. Two kids, a boy and a girl sounds just about right.

Beach Baby

On Sunday I tool the kids (with my parents) to Centennial Beach in Naperville. We had never been there before and found it to be a really fun place to take the kids. Evi and Robert enjoyed swimming in the "lake" as well as playing in the sand. I hope to go back again this summer with the whole family. That is if I can convince Jeremy to come with.





I'm pretty sure she was in Heaven.

This is pure Evi!

4th of July and other fun events.

Happy 4th of July.

Me and the master griller.

Making some noise.

Jamie and her awesome dessert.

Getting ready to watch fireworks.

Our trip downtown Chicago.

The Bean.






Buckingham Fountain.

Skyline Boat tour.

A trip to AmericanGirl Place for cousin Tara's birthday.


They made out well.

Evi and Grandma Nancy.

Enjoying lunch with her new Bitty Babies.

Evi, the birthday girl Tara and Lara.