Therapeutic Parenting

I'm once again reading the book "The Connected Child."  It's a book that focuses on helping the adopted child overcome trauma, abuse, and neglect.  I read it once before when Goose and I first started doing attachment therapy last fall.  I found it to be a really great book with lots of real life applications of how to effectively parent adopted children who have had less then optimal beginnings.  As I dived into many recommended books on helping adopted kids heal I realize now that I wasn't really taking it all to heart.  In trying to solve the mystery of what has been going on for my child I read through the pages not really believing that this was her problem.  Even though we have seen the research that suggests that even children adopted at birth or as infants can have issues with attachment, anxiety, sensory processing, and even nerocognitive impairments I guess I just didn't see it.  I have been looking for the "quick fix."  Although I know there is no such thing I have been holding out for one anyway.  I have been attending an adoption support group for the last several weeks.  It has been so wonderful to connect with moms who are going through the same things we are.  It's so true that no one else really understands because they aren't living it day to day.  To hear mom's express the same concerns, frustrations, and even heart aches has made me realize that I haven't really given any of this therapeutic parenting a chance.  I didn't believe that Goose really needed it, mostly because it means I have so much work to do.  the therapeutic parenting that she needs is intensive, time consuming, and just down right hard.  It's the complete opposite of how I thought I would parent and for sure not the way I was parented.  All that being said it's what she needs.  If we are going to truly help her deal with her anxiety, hyperactivity, and fears we are going to have to dive head first into this new parenting style.  This means looking at her behavior issues in a new way, seeing them as a fear response.  Instead of "time outs" she needs "time in,"  when her behavior is at it's worst we need to do "pull close parenting" not get out of my face parenting.  When she makes a bad choice we need to refrain from using emotions but rather guide and encourage her to re-do the choice the right way.  Compassion will be the emotion most exhibited not frustration.  I'm both excited and scared to really do this, it's like learning a new language but it's the language she needs me to learn. I know it will take time and lots of practice to get it right but she is so worth it.

2 years today

The day he came

one year

Today on his two year anniversary

Its hard to believe that Baby boy has been with us for 2 years.  So much has changed in the last few weeks in terms of his prospects of staying with us forever.  We found out a few weeks ago that he may be going home as soon as the end of this year.  We are having a hard time processing all of this.  This past summer he was still at one visit a week and according to his case worker the goal was going to stay "return home in 12 months."  But...his visits have increased to 4 hours at a time and just this week his parents had unsupervised time.  He may start overnights as soon as October 18th and from there they are requesting that he return home in 5 months.  We have a court date October 4th and we are sure the judge is going to agree with this new plan.  Although this was always a possibility we really started to believe that he was going to stay forever.  A year and a half into this his parents still hadn't done anything on their case plan and the recommendation was made that his goal change.  Twice we went to court with that recommendation and twice the judge said no.  My heart breaks for this little boy who is going to be ripped from the only home he has ever known.  I wonder if the judges read books about trauma and the effects it has on young children?  At this point in his life the trauma of leaving his family, the only parents he knows and his brother and sister could possibly lave him forever scared.  He will be leaving an environment that is healthy and stable only to enter into one that is less then optimal.  He will go into daycare, he will go into poverty, he will go.....

Update on Goose

It turns out the mystery is back on.  Goose does not have c-diff.  We got a call this weekend from her doctor saying that the test came back negative.  So now we are back to square one.  She continues to complain of stomach pain.  The next step is running a few more tests at our pediatrician's office and then on to a GI doctor.

Camping

We left Friday to go on our annual camping trip only to return home at 4 am with a sick kiddo.  Poor Bubba started throwing up at about 2a.m. so we decided to bring him home.  Last year we returned home in the middle of the night as well because the weather was just too cold.  I guess we were just not built for camping.  Bubba is still running a temp. and has spent most of the day in bed.  I hope it's only a 24 hour bug and the rest of the family dodges this bullet.

Bubba and daddy putting up our tent.

After dropping Bubba and I off at 4 a.m.  Jeremy returned to the campsite where Goose was sleeping in our friends tent.  They stayed for the rest of the rest of the trip and had a blast trick-or-treating.

The kids with Yogi.

All dressed up for trick-or-treating.

The kids in our truck.

The group

Phillips Park Zoo

Thursdays are easy days where we have nothing scheduled.  I've decided that it will be a great opportunity to take the boys places while Goose is at school.  Today we visited Phillips Park Zoo in Auroa.  It turned out to be a pretty small zoo, with only a handful of animals.  The wolves were pretty cool because they were all out walking around and interacting which we don't usually see at Brookfield Zoo.  The River Otter is always a favorite but we couldn't find him and the Reptile House was closed for the day.  They had a cougar that was up walking around and several Bald Eagles as well.

The Swans

We went to a nearby park after our 10 minute tour of the zoo and the boys enjoyed playing for almost an hour.

Lots of rules for such a small zoo.

We may have solved the mystery....

Poor Goose has been complaining of her stomach hurting for almost three weeks.  We hadn't been able to figure out what was going on with her.  She was also experiencing some pretty bad diarrhea and was even sent home from school last week.  In trying to figure out what is going on with her we started to explore the possibility that her pain was anxiety induced.  Even though the school year is off to a great start and she really seems to be loving first grade we have been experiencing some not so fun behaviors at home.  We are not surprised by this at all.  We figured that the transition into all day school was going to come with a period of adjustment.  But when she started complaining of these stomach pains everyday I really began to worry that her anxiety issues were beginning to manifest into physical pain.  It's a scary thought for a parent.  How do you help your six year old learn to deal with their anxiety especially if they don't even know they are anxious.  I was concerned that we were headed down a slippery slope.  The next step was to rule out any actual physical reason for her pain.  So the first set of doctor appointments led to an abdominal x-ray where they did find a significant amount of gas in her intestines.  The doctor was concerned that if her pain didn't get better she may need to have further testing and even surgery for a condition called intussusception.  So we watched her like a hawk and her pain seemed to get better so we figured she was fine.  A few days later she started  complaining again and was sent home from school.  This time I called the doctor and based on her symptoms we treated it as a stomach virus.  Putting her on a bland diet with lots of liquids again seemed to help and she was on her way.  Then Monday night she woke up at 3:00 a.m. complaining again that her stomach hurt really bad.  She had lots of diarrhea and even vomited.  I knew then that this can't just be an anxiety issue so first thing Tuesday morning we went back to the doctor.  All of her symptoms point to a condition called clostridium difficile. She had this once before when she was about 20 months old after being on lots of antibiotics. At the beginning of September she was put on zithromax for an upper respiratory infection which is how she probably got c-diff this time.  Basically the antibiotics clean your intestines of all the "good" bacteria and leave only the bad which overpopulate and release toxins into your abdomen. Poor baby girl has really been ill.  She hasn't even completed a full week of school yet this year.  We have her on another antibiotic that gives the intestines the opportunity to grow all the "good" bacteria again and she will be taking probiotics daily until all her symptoms are gone.  We also have to bring in a stool sample to be tested just to confirm the diagnosis.  Hopefully she will be feeling much better soon and of course the next time she is on an antibiotic I will be better prepared if this happens again.

Apple Picking

We took the kids apple and berry picking yesterday at Gardenpatch Farms in Homer Glen. This is our 4th year going and it's always such a fun event for the kids.  This year their apple crop was destroyed by the amount of rain we had as well as some late frost,  so unfortunately there wasn't much to pick.  The kids didn't seemed to mind and we just told them to fill their baskets with apples.  There were a few that they could eat and each one enjoyed a delicious snack.

picking grapes

Lots of apples

egg plant

Soccer and The Museum of Science and Industry

Having fun.

A shot with some of his teammates.

We got a membership to the Museum of Science and Industry off of "groupon."  I guess it was at least half the cost as it normally is plus we get discounts on other museums in our area.  So today after Bubba's soccer game we decided to go.  The last time we went it was so crowded we only stayed about 40 min. and hardly even saw anything.  This time it was a lot less crowded.  We took the coal mining tour and saw an IMAX movie.

Big silver train.

Construction Work.

Anchors Away

Train conductors.

Standing in front of a replica of the Sears Tower.

Fall leaves falling....

One home sick

I can't believe that Goose is home "sick" again from school.  I got a call yesterday that I needed to come pick her up because she had diarrhea.  I was a little surprised that they send kids home for this but I woke up Baby boy and packed him and Bubba in the car to go get her. Once at school I really wanted to make sure this was a serious enough issue to be sent home from school.  I asked if she had a fever, the nurse responded that she didn't even check, diarrhea is an automatic send home.  I then asked Goose about her tummy and how many times she had gone to the bathroom.  Evidently she went more then once and had spent 15 minutes in the bathroom before her teacher sent her to the office.  I explained to the nurse that this is not all that uncommon for Goose but that going several times in one day does sound excessive.  So I brought her home and called the doctor.  About two weeks ago we were dealing with a stomach issue that she was complaining of. We were worried that if her pain got worse she would need to go to the ER. Luckily the pain seemed to subside and she seemed fine.  Now here we are again with stomach pain and more severe diarrhea.  Her doctor seems to think it isn't related and that she just caught a bug.  Of course we have her on a bland diet and will watch her to see if the symptoms increase.  I hate that she is missing school.  I also am concerned that she does and always has had "interesting" bowel movements.  We've had her checked several times only to find everything is normal. It always makes you wonder though if they are missing something. She is growing and thriving.  She has an awesome appetite and tons of energy.  Everything seems normal.  She does always feel warm to me and even when she isn't sick can run a temp. of 99.4.  I guess it's just her version of normal.  I should probably go by some probiotics and get her started on those again to see if that helps. Until then we will keep to the bland diet.  Toast and applesauce are on the menu.

Have a New Kid by Friday

This Sunday MBH and I started a parenting class offered at our churches adult education time.  I am really committing this year to having the kids attend Sunday school at 10:00 a.m.  Last year we barely made it (okay it was even less then barley) and so this year I really want to have them involved with the Sunday school program.  In my defense we do attend worship each week at 11:00 and about a third of the way through the children ages 2-2nd grade go down for a mini Sunday school class, so it's not like I totally failed :). But this year I'm hoping to step it up a notch and start going to both.  It's a great way to start attending adult education time which coincides with children's education sessions.  I was really excited that our church was offering another parenting class.  This session we will be watching the DVD series entitled "Have a New Kid by Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leman.

I love that we will taking this class together since all three kids are now attending class themselves.  I hope that it will generate some good discussion about our parenting (I'm sure my better half is less hopeful.)  The opportunity to add more "tools" to the tool box on child raring is always something I'm enticed my.  But it's not always easy.  Parenting a child with special needs is a whole other playing field.  I wondered today, as we watched the first DVD and got a good feel for what sort of "philosophy" we would be encouraged to try at home, if it is going to contradict what I have already been reading on how to handle our special needs child.  The whole program/book is biblicaly based which is a major plus for me.  I hope that we will be able to use a lot of the material to sort of "spruce" up the discipline that we are already trying to implement. One of the first questions in the follow up section is to describe the climate condition that characterizes our home.  I decided we are partly cloudy.

Is something missing?

Goose lost her 5th tooth today at church.   She is so excited for the tooth fairly to come.  We think she looks so cute with the gaping whole in her mouth. After church she said "mom maybe the tooth fairy will come sooner then tonight."  I explained to her that the tooth fairy only comes when kids are asleep.  She then reminded me "no mom, the last tooth I lost I woke up and the tooth fairy didn't come yet. Remember I went back up after breakfast and then the tooth was gone."  Evidently the tooth fairy at our house needs some work.

Bubba's first game....in the rain.

Bubba's first soccer game was this Saturday.  It was pouring rain and we were hoping the game would be called, after all they are just four year olds.  They decided to play anyway (not sure who "they" is) and despite the weather the kids all did great.  I was worried about Bubba because he really doesn't like the rain.  He doesn't like the sun much either.  After only a few whines about the fact that he was getting wet he did go out and play the whole game.  He did a great job and even got a few kicks in.

Not just fair weather fans.

Playing goalie

Taking a break to tie his shoe.

Is this shirt to big on me?

Getting a pep talk from coach.

Almost got the ball.

All smiles while trying to get the ball.

Fall is in the air.

As we move into fall I'm getting so excited about all the fun activities we have planned.  I love this time of year, it's my favorite season.  Our house is finally settling into a routine and I'm enjoying each of my kids in their various stages.  Goose is loving school which is awesome.  Bubba is playing soccer and really seems to enjoy it while Baby boy is in the trenches of potty training.  Our days are filled with activities and seem to be going by so fast.  I really need to step back and enjoy this time in our lives because it's going to be over before I know it.

We have a lot to look forward to in the coming months.  In September we are going camping with some family friends.  It's our 4th year and it's become a wonderful tradition.  The kids always look forward to it.  In October we are going to make it to "Fall Fest" in Wisconsin with the family which we haven't gone to since Goose was two.  We plan to go to a pumpkin farm and enjoy a hayride.  Each year we like to take the kids apple and berry picking which again is a big hit and we top off the season with our annual trip to Bengston's Farm.  Of course we can't forget Halloween.  It's so fun to plan what the kids will dress up as.  Bubba hasn't really dressed up yet for the holiday due to the fact that he doesn't like wearing costumes.  This year he wants to be Spiderman and so we went to Target and got him the costume which he immediately put on and ran around the house saving people from danger.  Baby boy is still pretty young so I get to pick his costume. He is really into Thomas the Train so I thought what better costume then to be the real Thomas (or so he thinks.)  He too wants to wear his costume 24 seven.  Goose is a little harder because she wants to be so many things.  For as long as we can remember Halloween has been her favorite holiday.  She loves everything spooky and gross.  The more morbid the better.  At this point she wants to be a cat so if in a few weeks she is still committed to that we will start to put her costume together.  I really cherish these times with our family. I can't wait to post pictures of all our fall adventures.

Buy Buy Peanut

Peanut leaves today to go live with her grandparents permanently.  We are so glad that she will not have to be shuffled back and forth anymore and now she will be able to get the services she needs.  Having her here has been a crazy experience that has taught me a lot.  It's easy to love a child but love just isn't enough. We pray that she will do well with her grandparents and also that her parents will do everything they can to be reunited with her soon.  We hope that her time here was positive and that she felt loved.  With peanuts departure we also come to a close as a foster family.  I met with our licensing worker yesterday and officially closed our home.  This means we will no longer be expecting placements.  This was a bitter sweet decision for both Jeremy and I.  Although we know we have made the right decision there is still a sense of sadness that we won't be adding to our family again any time soon.  Our hope is to go back into fostering once our kids are grown.  We do still feel like we have a lot to offer the children in this world who have suffered abuse and neglect but right now we have to concentrate on the children God has already blessed us with.  We were just talking yesterday about how great it's going to be once Baby boy is potty trained, life with no more diapers.  Our growing family will always be growing, but now not in number just in years.

The school year is off to a start...

The school year is off and running.  Last week Goose had to stay home for two days due to a nasty cough, ear infection, and strange stomach issue.  She hasn't complained about her stomach in a few days so I think it wasn't anything serious.  She also had a play date after school last week which she had a blast at, but then once she was home I could tell that she had been away from me for too long.  She missed a lot of in class work that we had to complete over the weekend and I'm glad to report that we got it all done with no complaining.  Bubba had a great week.  He of course started getting sick at the end of the week but he seems to be fighting it off pretty well.  On Friday he got to bring in the snack for his preschool class and was "leader of the day."  He brought in his Star Wars spaceship for show-and-tell.  Peanut returned to us on Wednesday.  She will be going to her grandparents permanently this Wednesday.  We are glad that she will now have a permanent place to live and won't have to be shuffled around from home to home.  Baby boy is in training...potty training.  We haven't been forcing it, just having go on the potty several times a day.  Sometimes he pees, sometimes he doesn't.  On Saturday night he did poop on the potty and earned one of his Thomas the Train prizes.  We really hope that he will start to get the hang of this soon and we will be a diaper free house!  To end the holiday weekend we went to the zoo this morning with the kids.  The weather was great and it was a really nice outing. 

Peeking.

Baby boy and peanut looking at the wolves.

I told them to make "funny" faces.

with daddy and a dinosaur.