Baby Boy comes for an overnight.

On Friday morning I picked up our former foster son for an overnight.  He left us on March 7, 2011 to go live with his biological parents after two and a half years in our care.  It wasn't an easy thing to see him go but we had no choice.  His parents did work hard to get their lives on track so that they could be better parents to him and for that I give them credit.  The problem is that it took them way to long.  All that time they took to even start working their case plans their baby son was bonding and loving us.  It's been about 9 weeks since he left, 9 weeks since he has been to our home.  We did visit him three weeks after he left, but that time we just took him out for a few hours and then brought him home.

We were so excited when his mom called and asked if he could come for an overnight.  We will take every opportunity to get to spend time with him.  Going into it I was nervous.  How would he act, what would he call us.....the list goes on.  When I arrived at his home he literally ran and jumped into my arms but then leaned back and just looked at me.  He lunged for his mom and gave her a kiss.  I sensed his confusion or even his insecurity, which mommy should he be loyal to.  I told him that he would only be coming to our house for one sleep and then I would bring him right back to his mommy.  He was really excited to get in the car and we had a great time chatting the whole way home.

We met Bubba and Jeremy for lunch.  As he entered the restaurant he ran up to them both but them seemed so unsure as to what he should do.  Of course I encouraged him to hug them both and he did.  It didn't take long before he and Bubba were running off to play.  He still wasn't sure about Jeremy though.  After lunch we drove to our home and about a block from the house he said "I'm home."  Then when he actually entered the house he just said "wow" kind of in awe.  He ran all over taking it all in.  He wanted to go right to the toys in our attic.  He was pretty agreeable until we went outside.  Then he and Bubba began fighting over a toy and he got really aggressive.   I started to see that the little boy that left here on March 7th is quickly fading away.

We picked Goose up from school and put on a movie he requested to watch.  Then our family started arriving to see baby boy.  We went to the park (not for long) and played and ate.  At one point he and I were sitting together in the TV room and he just started yelling at me that he doesn't love me anymore, and he doesn't love Bubba or Goose either.  I just told him that we loved him even if he doesn't love us.  He told me that he was mad at me and that he was not a nice boy.  My heart began to sink.  This precious, wonderful, beautiful, smart, funny boy was in so much pain.  He is obviously grieving the loss of our family and I fear he isn't getting any help.  He is mad at us for letting him go (I don't blame him) and he doesn't understand why he doesn't live with us anymore.  

Earlier in the day I noticed that he was struggling to call me anything so I asked him who I was, he responded he didn't know.  I then told him that he could call me whatever he wanted, mommy or Kerry.  About an hour later he was calling me mommy but by then time we called his mom at bedtime he decided I was Kerry.  Hearing him call me that was so bitter sweet.  I want him to be comfortable and so that's what's most important but losing that "mother" status still hurts.  He never once said he wanted to go home and referred to his parents by their first names as well.  He is just so confused.  

Bedtime wasn't easy either he cried and pleaded so I would sleep with him (which I did until he fell asleep) but then I went back to my room.  A few hours later he appeared to sleep with me and proceeded to wake up every couple of hours and call out "mommy."  Who knows which one he was looking for, but having me tell him I was there allowed him to go back to sleep.

We went to Bubba's soccer game and more family came to see him.  At times he just seemed sad (he was also tired.)  

We ended up going out to lunch and he feel asleep on the way, he stayed asleep on my lap for awhile.   It felt so good to hold him close.  After lunch we took him back to our house to give him a haircut.

When it was time to leave he had a really hard time.  When they got to his house he had an even harder time. We think it isn't a good idea for him to come here for an overnight.  He really thought he was going to stay.  I guess we will stick to taking him on day trips and then bringing him right home.  My heart breaks for him and I pray that someone recognizes his hurt and gets him the help he needs.